No, This Is Not A Costume!

This has been one of those days when I have not felt good about myself. Have you ever had one of those days when you just did not feel like yourself or, worse, when you did not even look like yourself. Well, thinking that you look terrible is depressing enough but, it’s even worse when your own little personal peanut gallery confirms those fears through comments of their own.

So, I don’t know if it was hormones or what but, I just felt off this morning. It had been a long week and I hoped that this morning (Saturday), I would wake up feeling like a new person. Well, I woke up feeling like a new person, but not in a good way. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and cried? This morning, I wanted to cry. I stood in front of the mirror and took a good, long look at myself and had to sit down; my reflection was depressing.

True, it had been a tough few months. My son was home sick nearly nearly an entire month with chronic croup (and they now fear he also has asthma). At night he honestly struggled to breathe. Many nights I had to sleep in his room so, I had not slept well in weeks. My husband had been traveling and was basically been gone for the last two months. He gets home and the doctors are afraid that he has a blood clot. Now they are calling him in for x-rays and MRI’s. We finally found out that everything is OK.  It was a false alarm – Thanks Doc! So my husband is just fine, the daughter is fine, and my son is getting better. Now I should be feeling better, right? I had to wonder, could the stress of the past few weeks, well months, really make me look this bad?

I was trying to analyze myself in the mirror, but it wasn’t especially easy to do through my swollen eyes. I was quick to notice how puffy and swollen my face looked, but was surprised to discover that (even though my face was puffy) I woke up with new wrinkles that were not there yesterday. I mean these lines in my face were NOT there on Friday! Now, to make matters worse, my jeans do not seem to fit right this morning. Is it actually possible to gain weight while you sleep? I put on the rest of my clothes and then took a better look at the jeans I was wearing; I honestly did not remember them being this ugly when I bought them.

I tried to dry my hair, but it just seemed to be shellacked to the top of my head. I rubbed the top of my head and wondered if my hair become excessively oily overnight? I also found it confusing that my hair could be flat on the top, then stick out so wildly from my ears down!  Half way down my head, my hair was full of static, it looked like I stuck my finger in an electrical outlet. Luckily, I decided this was not a permanent condition because, I soon realized that I just forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. I took one more look at myself and sighed – I was a serious mess!

My kids were now both awake so went to make breakfast. At this point, my daughter eluded to the fact that a monkey could make better scrambled eggs than the ones that I provided this morning. I tried to overlook her comment about the food. My child has very low blood sugar in the morning and can be a tad cranky! I knew that she was just hungry, but the thoughts were still running through my head – Is it possible (that while sleeping), I really may have gained weight, produced wrinkles, lost my fashion sense, and my ability to cook?

I was pretty sure that I could not feel any worse when my little boy asked me, “Are you a zebra today?” I asked him if I looked like a zebra and he said, “Yes! I really like your zebra shirt!” I looked down at my long sleeve black t-shirt with very thin white pinstripes. It did not scream “zebra” to me, but I also did not remember my jeans being this weird pale blue color either. I had already questioned my choice of jeans this morning, but not my shirt!

I then went to sit beside my son on the sofa, when he touched the top of my head. He looked at me and asked, “Mommy, why does your hair look like that today? Do you think a haircut could fix it? It is really sticking up behind the top!” I then said, “So you think my hair looks bad today?” He replied with, “Yes! It really does mom!” My daughter then said, “It is funny the way it is flat on the top, but sticks out on the sides! It is kind of like clown hair, or wings!” My son laughed as he flapped his arms, pointed at me, and yelled “Wings! Wings!”

Well, that is that. I was afraid that I looked bad today and now those fears have been confirmed. I wonder if I can be around other people and not offend them with my new wrinkles, water weight, ugly clothes, and static-filled hair. Do I hide in my house and hope that tomorrow brings a new day, new look, and new attitude? Or, do I go out and face the day? I figure that I could actually help to make women feel better about themselves. My guess is that many people will find comfort in the fact that they can look at me and say “Hey, at least I am having a better day than that poor lady! She looks awful!” So friends, I hope that I can raise your spirits today because (it has been confirmed that) I really do look terrible!

By the way, if you want to see how bad I look today, we will be at the neighborhood grocery store around 2:00 today. I will be there person who is dressed like a zebra – with wings on her head; it might be worth the trip!

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